Hi friends!!! Omgosh life is so wild and busy!!!

The Last 48 Hours:

Thursday Morning I woke up, packed all my video gear into my car and went to a local optometrist to do some promotion video for a sunglass company, the kind of behind the camera production work I love, I haven’t done much Video Production outside of my own projects since my surgery and Luna and everything… I am back on the horse, taking gigs while still prioritizing StayDiapered & StayKinky.

My Car broke down about 5 minutes from the shoot, first time it’s ever broken down. I don’t panic, keep cool, I get a ride to the shoot and everything works out. AAA handles my biz, I shoot all day and get a loaner for the evening.

I get up the next morning, do all my grocery shopping in the loaner before I return it as I wasn’t sure if I was going to have a car for a while. I goto the dealership where my car is, it’s complete destroyed, not to be crude but i blew my tranny… the transmission is shot, car is essentially totaled, not worth repairing. I find a new one I like, I buy it.

Things are gonna be tough, money is gonna be tight, but for the first time in my life I bought a (relatively) new car from a dealership. My credit isn’t bad and I got a good deal on it, it’s a safer vehicle than my old little sedan. I’m ecstatic. I feel like a grown up in a very satisfying way.

Alright, i’m going to sound really out of character for this next part…

I was getting into that loaner yesterday morning, it was a fresh 2024 Sedan with the “Platinum Package”. wearing my fresh business suit and my gold Cartier glasses, my sleeve revealing my rose gold smartwatch, smelling like baby powder deodorant and leather, feeling crescent fresh. I’ve been in the fanciest hotels, driven in beautiful cars, made love 50 stories up in Midtown Manhattan, seen the world from Paris to Baja to Beijing. I’m creative, beautiful, likeable and can adapt to any situation, break bread with anyone.

I need to live that life. I need to make movies. Vera Drew has been a massive inspiration to me lately, just a goofball trans person who made a weird movie and has been living her best life. I used to be funny, that was like, my main trait. But life and trauma made me not funny, made me serious and stern, a background noise of mildly aroused contempt. I wanna be funny again. I’ve been writing jokes, focusing on good vibes. I’m tired of sacrificing for the world, I need to focus on myself and be the boss i’ve always meant to be.

Things holding me back:

~ Day-To-Day Responsibilities. I’m stretched to thin and always feel on the back foot. From election stuff to running my sites and social media, it’s a ton. I need to hire an assistant or Social Media Manager or pare back my responsibilities. I take care of people in my life, from advocating at doctors appointments etc for friends, hospital nights, to doing my neighbors yardwork because she’s old and on a limited income and she’s awesome and we quit smoking together. I have lots going on, need to juggle things better!

~ I smoke too much weed. I used weed to help me quit Tobacco and Alcohol, but I got in the habit of smoking too much. It effects my emotions too, i’d probably be more hinged if I smoked less weed… kinda like smoking and drinking, I am not very upfront with how central weed is to my life, but I smoke “hella” weed & I would like to change that.

But also, like drinking etc, maybe it’s how I’ve survived this long, so I want to respect myself and not give myself too hard of a time. But I wanna find balance, and be less of an all-or-nothing drug user, I want to be able to moderate… toughest thing. I know I can’t moderate alcohol or tobacco or it’s not worth trying, but I love weed and people who smoke weed, so it’s something I’m working on.

~ Mental health stuff ~ I get sad, and the internet ads a ton of extra stress. I see so much hate, it hurts me. I think hiring someone to post my tweets for me and do promo stuff would help a ton. It’s hard to find a person to trust, but I have some ideas. Most of my friends are just as busy as me 😛

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Thanks For Listening, good things ahead! If things work out, I will be doing my biggest TV appearance of all time, primetime, and it’s a risky one. I will be my best and keep being my best for you, for me and for everyone in my life & in this community. Lots of upward momentum, i’m in therapy and doing everything I can to keep my head on my shoulders.

Amazing things in our future. Thanks for cheering me on. Happy thoughts and STAY DIAPERED!!!!