I think it’s safe to tell this story now that I’m on the opposite coast. This happened to me about 6 months ago.

I was standing in line at a Panda Express in Sacramento on lunch at work, and I see this kinda goth, kinda cute, kinda innocent looking boy in line for the adjacent Hot Dog on a Stick looking at me. I was in my work uniform but still looking cute in my black skirt, little pumps and a unbuttoned work shirt with a pink camisole, and this boy was scammin’ on me like crazy. So they’re out of orange chicken and I have to wait for a couple minutes, so I just kinda stand there waiting until I hear from behind me someone say…

“Riley?”

I almost died. Riley Kilo isn’t the name I use in my everyday life, no one at the mall should know it. I turn around and see the boy, he looks really excited and says “oh my god it’s really you! I can’t believe it, I love what you do for the community” etc. He was really nice, really discrete about it and even offered to buy me lunch. I feel kinda bad because at the time I worked at a place with a bar which meant free drinks, I drank my weight in Sierra Nevada the night before and had a bloody mary before heading to Panda. I hardly ever drink now, there’s a lot better things to do in New England than bang your head against the wall.

Anyway, I was kinda blown away by the whole experience, I was just trying to get some Chinese food and he seemed really excited, so I felt like I blew him off. I told him thanks for the offer and for reading my blog, and to keep it real, I was totally nice about it, just hungover. He starred and I walked away, i felt like i really made that kids day, but I never heard from him again. So if you’re still reading this you mysterious AB/DL, write me anytime!

So that’s my story about being an internet celebrity, pretty pathetic right? Well here’s something even worse. I worked promotions with Pauly Shore a few years ago when his film “Pauly Shore is Dead” came out in Sacramento. I hung out with Pauly Shore for a weekend touring colleges and cultural hotspots trying to get the word out. People get excited when they randomly run into Pauly Shore, and he’s the exact same as he is in his movies in real life, except kinda more laid back if it’s just you and him. The first thing he asked me is if I knew where to score [edited for television 7/16/2011], which I did at the time, same thing happened with a Hedwig from a touring cast of Hedwig and the Angry Inch and a bunch of other D-listers, like James Marsters, Jesse Camp and one of the guys from Puppetry of the Penis.

I’m happy here in New England, but I’m out of the big city now and really miss the bright lights and famous people, so thanks for letting me bask in my celebrity encounters! That’s half of my ex-lover there on the left, more on that later.