It’s still pretty early in the morning here, I’m covered in blankies and have my headphones on, looking up pictures of kittens on the internet. One little kitten in particular.
I always felt bad for Nermal. They’re just a happy, positive kitten and Garfield was always such a jerk to them. If you really want to stretch you could say that Garfield is that angry, resentful part of us that groans when we see attractive teenagers kissing, bitterness personified in a grumpy kitty. And Nermal is the opposite, they are happy when people succeed and never find ways to put themselves above others. I think we have both these Garfield/Nermal or Rick/Morty aspects to ourselves and what we choose to share with the world is how people will judge us, as a angry cuss or a shiny friend. I haven’t been writing much, because I’ve been much more horns than halos lately, I’ve let the sad things get to me and went a little too far down the Garfield hole. Today is the first day i’ve felt back to Nermal, not too happy of course, but I see the silver lining before I see the clouds and that feels good.
[Warning, incredibly personal, substance related paragraph ahead] I can’t attribute this to getting the anti-depressants, as I haven’t started taking them yet. I’m still a little afraid to, but will probably start in the next day or so if I start feeling specifically negative. I know it’s something I can’t go on and off of, so when I do start taking them, I will stick with it. The key factor in all this is quitting my boozy depressed ways, feeling sick all the time from constant consumption. I feel better when I’m sober, and don’t want to go back to drinking 24/7. I share this with a twinge of embarrassment, I wish I could tell you I was strong enough to have avoided that or simply blame a long history of alcoholics in my family, but I’m just going to take responsibility and be a good girl. Thanks for listening… moving on now. [glad that’s over]
I’m going to spend the day filling out applications for a second seasonal job, answering some emails, I may stream some games later but I’ll probably take it easy, try to avoid any tough interactions and be gentle with my little kitten self.
I have been shy, only occasionally posting pics on my Twitter. These are from a few weeks ago, in my Prevail Breezers, these cloth covered nappies for warm weather, I was surprised how much I like them. I have more diaper stuff to talk about, including some recent experience with real cloth diapers and a story I read at CapCon that I think you’ll like. Thanks for reading, check back soon, I’ll have new stuff for you soon! Big bear hugs and have a lovely weekend :)
Song of the Day: “Take The Box” – Amy Winehouse