Bedtime, Morningtime, Bloggytime

Hey there friends! Here’s another short little post and a couple little pics of a little snuggly girl! I’m video blogging daily, but only posting the cute ones here and I think this video is kinda cute, it’s got a bear AND a monkey in it :)

Hope you like the video, these are a couple pics, the first one was last night and the second is this morning, just slightly soggy. Hugs to all the other stuffy and nappy bedtime friends out there and hugs to everyone else too. Goodnite!

Good Mood Bears

Hey there friends! Couple pics from a few nights ago and a tiny little update, feeling good, bear is on my lap spellchecking for me. Good bear :) I’m in a good mood, the weather is getting to that grey rainy emotional time but bear and I are warm and safe. Yay!

I’ve been posting on my daily vlog, you can find it on my Youtube channel. It’s been a nice way to get out some strong feelings and gives me a chance to do something I love,  Make Videos Everyday. I’m looking forward to stuff, and it’ll be a really neat way to track my life and transition. Here’s tonight’s video, I’ll be posting some crinkly content here soon too, don’t worry I’m still a little girl!

Talk soon!

Quickie and a Vlog

Hello friends~ Just posting a couple of older pics I posted on my twitter while I wasn’t actively posting on here :)

I also posted a video on my daily Vlog for, my revival of LetsGetSRS. I probably won’t post on here everyday, and you can just follow my Youtube if you’re curious about my daily little check-in videos. I’m also going to be posting on my Twitter in the evening so you’ll know I’m in my nappies for bed. Last night was full of dreams but nothing bad… thanks for all the kind comments, happy thoughts!

Oops I forgot the pictures! I’ll post them tomorrow :P


Weeks and Weakening

(another sorta sad post, I promise they won’t always be like this, check back in a month or so if you’re sick of the sad stuff)

Dreams are the toughest thing for me and I’m nearly at my wits end. I won’t go into detail, but my dreams last weeks and weeks, stuck in a cycle where I wake up and go to sleep again in my dreams multiple times. Sometimes I fear I’m losing my grip on reality. That’s awful but it’s the truth. Last night was probably the worst night I’ve had in recent memory, where I tried and tried to escape my dream but couldn’t.

So what can I do? I’ve done some research on Lucid Dreaming, something I’ve always avoided because I generally don’t want to be present in my dreams, but I learned some tactics to potentially wake myself up if I realize I’m in a dream. Having a reality check item on me is one, sort of like a Totem in that movie Inception. This goes hand and hand with the second helpful thing, which is wearing my diapers (nappy Totem!) to bed. I haven’t lately because I just haven’t been in the mood but I realize more and more that I NEED them. I wish I had someone that MADE me wear them, maybe a nightly little Tinychat where you can make sure I have my pampers on… Pushing past sad times and grumpy moods is going to be key in getting back to normal sleep and in the process a healthier and happier life. I’m extremely frustrated with my living conditions as well, where I live has become increasingly noisy and while I have a beautiful crib I sleep on a couch most every night. There’s a ton of things piled up that make my life miserable, but I’m going to do my best to resolve them. I just need to try again, diapers and earplugs, instead of getting wasted and passing out which has long been the only way to get a full nights sleep for me.

I sound like a wreck. I haven’t always been this way and won’t always be this way. I feel better everyday, I know the dreams can’t hurt me but I am a bit tired of waking up exhausted or panicking. Diapers and Earplugs. Let’s see how they work, I’ve tried before but like so many things I haven’t stayed consistent. Wish me sweet dreams, I want to wake up pouty because I’m soggy like the pictures below, not because of bad memories coming to life in dreams.

I’ll also add snuggling my bear to the list of things that help me dream and sleep better. I love my bear <3


Song of the Day – “No Regrets” – Aesop Rock (amazing hip-hop story song about dreams)


It’s still pretty early in the morning here, I’m covered in blankies and have my headphones on, looking up pictures of kittens on the internet. One little kitten in particular.



I always felt bad for Nermal. They’re just a happy, positive kitten and Garfield was always such a jerk to them. If you really want to stretch you could say that Garfield is that angry, resentful part of us that groans when we see attractive teenagers kissing, bitterness personified in a grumpy kitty. And Nermal is the opposite, they are happy when people succeed and never find ways to put themselves above others. I think we have both these Garfield/Nermal or Rick/Morty aspects to ourselves and what we choose to share with the world is how people will judge us, as a angry cuss or a shiny friend. I haven’t been writing much, because I’ve been much more horns than halos lately, I’ve let the sad things get to me and went a little too far down the Garfield hole. Today is the first day i’ve felt back to Nermal, not too happy of course, but I see the silver lining before I see the clouds and that feels good.


[Warning, incredibly personal, substance related paragraph ahead] I can’t attribute this to getting the anti-depressants, as I haven’t started taking them yet. I’m still a little afraid to, but will probably start in the next day or so if I start feeling specifically negative. I know it’s something I can’t go on and off of, so when I do start taking them, I will stick with it. The key factor in all this is quitting my boozy depressed ways, feeling sick all the time from constant consumption. I feel better when I’m sober, and don’t want to go back to drinking 24/7. I share this with a twinge of embarrassment, I wish I could tell you I was strong enough to have avoided that or simply blame a long history of alcoholics in my family, but I’m just going to take responsibility and be a good girl. Thanks for listening… moving on now. [glad that’s over]


I’m going to spend the day filling out applications for a second seasonal job, answering some emails, I may stream some games later but I’ll probably take it easy, try to avoid any tough interactions and be gentle with my little kitten self.



I have been shy, only occasionally posting pics on my Twitter. These are from a few weeks ago, in my Prevail Breezers, these cloth covered nappies for warm weather, I was surprised how much I like them. I have more diaper stuff to talk about, including some recent experience with real cloth diapers and a story I read at CapCon that I think you’ll like. Thanks for reading, check back soon, I’ll have new stuff for you soon! Big bear hugs and have a lovely weekend :) 

Song of the Day: “Take The Box” – Amy Winehouse

Dr. Dreams

Disclaimer: Depression and Anti-Depression talk, mild language and adult themes from a little girl.

Hi there friends~ This is little Riley, snuggled up in a blanket getting ready for bed. The GOP debate in the background, feeling a bit sick about it, probably going to turn in off here soon.

Without getting too political, Donald Trump is an absolute clown, one of the worst entries into the WWE Hall of Fame. And Planned Parenthood has saved countless lives. So yeah, F this noise.

I went to the Dr. today. I’ve been plagued with bad dreams lately, as well as some of the depression/anxiety issues I’ve laid out in the last few less than smiley posts. I hadn’t been to see my GP lately, but today was really, really good. It’s difficult for me to reveal my issues face-to-face with someone but today I did. We made a plan, I got a perscription, and I’m going to start down a path I never thought I would. I’ll be taking a mild Anti-Depressant, and goddamn is it hard to talk about this stuff. It’s just to get over a hump my Dr. said. I don’t want to lose myself but I also want to get better, I didn’t imagine i’d be this desperate for a solution to my pain, but I am here and this is now.

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I wore my protection to the appointment and got a ride from a well-wisher, comfortable and safe in a harsh and scary moment. While I type this, the TV is off and the Bright Eyes link I just posted playing in my headphones. I’m going to curl up with my bear and think of kind words said to me, and other moments where I felt safe, warm, loved. Thanks for listening.

Sweet dreams.